4 Ways to Write with Emotional Intelligence

How many people have you written to this week, but never met in person or through video? In today’s remote world, we often enjoy relationships that exist strictly through writing: emails, posts, documents, DMs, and texts.

Though we talk a lot about bringing emotional intelligence to our interpersonal interactions and behaviors, what about our “interpersonal writing”? Since written words not only inform, but elicit emotional responses, we must infuse our writing with not only clarity but empathy: We need to write with EQ.

To ensure your writing's emotionally intelligent as well as "informationally intelligent," consider the following strategies when writing to build or preserve positive professional relationships: 

Avoid Accidentally Putting Yourself First in Your Writing

Emotional Intelligence includes managing ourselves to ensure we don't value our own needs over those of our readers. When we're stressed and need things from our readers, it can be easy to fall into writing patterns that privilege ourselves over our readers.

To make sure we're not prioritizing ourselves over them, consider: 

• Starting sentences with "You" or "We" or "Our Team" instead of "I."
• Writing more about what your reader wants to know than about what you want to say.
• Setting deadlines that consider your reader's real life as well as your own.

Show Respect for Your Reader through Intentional Writing Choices

 Show Writing EQ by writing respectfully to your reader. Consider: 

• Using "you" when the topic's positive and avoiding "you" when it's negative. (You can replace "you" with the topic at hand—for example, instead of "You confused me in your email," we can write "I got confused in the second part of the email.")
• Avoiding disempowering the reader by putting them in a "lower" position. Don't take their agency and choice away. For example, instead of saying "Your feedback is required," say "We'd love to hear what you think."
• Refer to others as they'd wish. Check your reader's preferred pronouns, and if you'll refer to a group of people, make sure you're referring to them as they'd refer to themselves. If you're not sure how to refer to a demographic group, check out some influencers from that group and find out the best way to refer to them. 

“Host” Your Reader

Show Writing EQ by making longer emails and documents easy and welcoming for your reader. Here's what to keep in mind: 

• Will your reader be able to find their way around your document or email? Consider adding formatting like headers and bullets to make sure they can. And, start with a preview that lets them know what they'll find or learn in the document/email.
• Can your reader easily figure out what they need to do? Clarify your call to action with deadlines, reasons, and active verbs.
• Can your reader easily find the info they care about? Order ideas in order of importance to your reader—not to yourself as a writer.

Consider Your Reader’s Daily Realities

Show Writing EQ by considering your reader's daily realities. This might include: 

• Their schedule that week, what they're dealing with, what deadlines they're facing.
• Any constraints faced by your reader: time, money, staffing, etc.
• What's important to them each day. 
• Challenges or biases they may be facing in their own work life.

Though we may work physically far away from many of our colleagues and customers, we still want to develop closeness with them. This means building relationships through making purposeful choices in our writing. To learn more, check out this video on using EQ in our writing. And, feel free to comment below to share your strategies for writing with emotional intelligence!

Written by Erin Lebacqz, High-Value Writing